#trying not to be too negative all the time but ohhhhhhh my god i am not emotionally stable enough for this shit

[909414208]

unmedicated adhd i want to get off this ride

[weallneedsomethingtobelievein]

1. do you have a favourite sweater? yes a few, but my favorite one right now is my rainbow striped one I got from target

2. what’s your middle name? I don't have one

3. do you still talk to the first person you kissed? I do actually

4. do you get on with your grandpa? both my grandfathers are dead but when they were alive we got along fine

5.what was your favourite cartoon as a kid? oh my god I really have no idea

6. what’s your favourite cartoon now? I don’t watch cartoons now

7. do you read the news paper? nah

8. who was the last text you sent to ? it was to you (:

9. what does the last text you sent say? you know what it said lol

10. if you could have any hair colour what would it be? it would be the blue that halsey used to wear. or the orange/pink split Hayley Williams had

11. do you like nature documentaries? not at all

12. what is your aesthetic? im still figuring that out tbh

13. when did you last pet a dog? I don't know and now im sad af

14. whose friend’s parents do you like the most? the ones that feed me (: 

15. have you ever been on a road trip? no, ive always wanted to though

16. tell me about someone you know called emma I don't know anyone named emma lol

17. are you reading a book in english class, what is it? we’re just gonna skip this one

18. do you have a favourite aunt? that’s a negative

19. baths or showers? I take showers 99% of the time and it’s been years since I took a bath

20. skiing or sun bathing? who makes up these questions???? ive never skiied

21. do you kill spiders? yeah, fuck that shit

22. have you ever made an ice pop? ummm I think so

23. are you wearing shoes right now? no ma’am

24. tell me about you favourite primary school/elementary school teacher I don’t have one of those either

25. who was the last person you hugged? it was my brother

26. do you wear glasses? yuhh

27. do you have a cat? nope & im allergic to them too

29. do you have a favourite pair of underwear? LOL I do actually

30. what was your last tweet? my last original tweet (aka not a retweet) was something about me wishing popcorn didn’t have kernels

31. do you still use facebook? yes, I do

32. do you like birds? no I fucking hate them actually. they terrify me

33. who was the last person you called cute? again, it was probably my brother

34. who was the last person that called you cute? UMMMM I can’t recall

35. how did you meet your best friend? I don't really have a “best” friend. I have good friends but not a best friend

36. escalators or elevators? escaltors

37. are you named after anyone, who? i’m not. my mom made it a point not to name her kids after anyone

38. what was your first url?

I've never changed it, this has always been my url

39. autumn or winter?

autumn 100%

40. do you win at scrabble?

no :(

41. put your ipod on shuffle , who is the first song that comes up by? I put my June playlist on shuffle and it was Unholy by Miley Cyrus

42. have you ever drunk from a mason jar? yeah, cause Outback puts their drinks in them for whatever reason

43. can you draw? I wish I could

44. what was your first profile picture? on facebook it was a picture of me from my sweet 16.

45. favourite tshirt? really anything that’s comfortable

46. best tumblr friend? do you count?

47. when did you last run? I don’t run lolololol

48. do you like to paint your nails? I don’t like doing it myself but I like getting them done

49. did you ever do something as a kid that got you into loads of trouble? yup I have

50. who is your favourite dog that isn’t yours? I think I have to go with Millie (even though I haven't met her) and my friend ruth has a Shiba Inu named Lucky

51. have you ever been drunk? yeah

52. have you ever done something you regret while drunk? I don't think I have

53. do you want to kiss anyone right now? I do, I dooooo

54. do/did you like you math teacher? skipping this one too

55. do you often ride the bus? yes ma’am

56. do you have a fireplace in your house? we used to have one but then my mom wanted to get rid of it, so not anymore

57. are you violent when you’re angry? no. it helps throwing things though

58. do you cry when you’re angry? ohhhhhhh yes

59. favourite Harry potter book? can I say all of them?

60. can you remember your last dream? I don’t remember a lot of my dreams

61. do you go to bed early or late? late unfortunately

62. do you speak a second language? I used to speak Italian but I don’t anymore

63. who was your first ever best friend? who the fuck even knows

64. have you ever had an operation? ive had a procedure but not an operation

65. tell me about your favourite cousin. who has a favorite cousin

66. do you have a piece of clothing that doesn’t even fit you anymore but you can’t bare to throw away? yes

67. have you ever been in a musical? I have not

68. do you have a porch? nope

69. how many times have you watched your favourite movie? im not really good at picking favorite things

70. what do you order at mcdonalds? I try not to eat at mcdonalds, but on the off chance I do, its chicken nuggets and fries

71. do you get on with old people? I get along fine. I have met some rude and weird old people though

72. science fiction or romance? why not both

73. do you take naps? naps are my life

74. how many classes do you/did you take in high-school? high school was 4 years and I probably took 6 or so a year so you can do the math

75. when did it last snow where you live? I wanna say maybe march or april

76. does it ever snow where you live? yes it does

77. how many months until your birthday? 8 months

78. how much charge does your computer have right now? 83%

79. what is your favourite disney channel movie? I LOVED the Halloweentown movies and Zenon. I miss DCOMs

80. the city or the sea side? it really depends on my mood. I like being by the water

81. what is your least favourite colour? it would probably be brown

82. do you have homework to do? yeah sure tons

83. are you still friends with your first best friend? I have no idea who that was

84. do you have/are you the gay cousin? I AM the gay cousin. they just don't know it yet

85. do you own dungarees? jeans? yes

86.do you like to play sport? I don't

87. what was your favourite ever christmas present? maybe my laptop? I mostly like giving gifts and watching people be happy

88. how old are you? 26 

89. what is your mum’s name? Maria

90. do you ever use internet explorer? no lmao

91. have you ever had blonde hair? ive had blonde IN my hair, but never my whole head

92. is their a play park near your house? staten island is the borough of parks, so yeah

93. when did you last see the person you have a crush on? 🤷🏻‍♀️

94. who did you last talk to on the phone? the employee at the sushi place I ordered dinner from lol

95. pants or dresses? pants 95% of the time. I have to be in the mood to wear a dress

96. do you read fan fiction? nah

97. what is you’re favourite blog? can I say yours? I don't sit and think about which is my favorite because, like I said, im bad at picking favorites

98. do you write poetry? nope

99. drama or comedy? both. I like to laugh though

100. have you ever had a hickey? yeah I have

[astroellipse]

ghggh

Anooother big ol long post for the day probably.

I realize now why the device G’raha sent has the Ironworks logo on it... I didn’t remember this detail before but it’s nice. Also that BIGGS is the character that’s front and center during this sequence.

Ohhhhhhh my god the WoL reaching for the memory of Ardbert!!!! Oh my god!!!! WAIT! I GET TO SEE ARDBERT AGAIN SOON!!!!!!!!! FUCK YES. GOD. Have I mentioned that I fucking adore Shadowbringers???

OH THERE HE IS... BABY NO.... TO SUFFER FOR SO LONG AS A SHADOW OF YOURSELF...

Kinda funny that they have a merchant triplet look-alike from the intro to the game, just to kill him off immediately. Oh. OH. He thinks you’re turning? I think that’s it. That confused me so much originally.

“The one true struggle” Between dark and light... I wonder how that will continue and eventually end in Endwalker.

G’raha this is completely unfair. i come in search of my dear friends who I thought might as well have been dead. When I ask if they’re here, you say “It’s complicated”. And now you’re wasting more time trying to endear me to your city, but why should I go along when you won’t even tell me about my friends? Oh also he almost got the WoL killed? Why the hell would they go along with any of this lmao.

Oh. It’s whose FATES that are closest to the WoL’s that were called but ah. That’s a bit of a grandfather paradox, no? I sincerely doubt Urianger would have contributed much to the WoL’s fate otherwise, weaseled away constantly as he was from the action. Speaking of, right off the bat G’raha is setting up his deception. I’m forgetting why G’raha isn’t allowed to talk about why he knows the future, though. He already established that there exist in the world time shenanigans.

Ohh G’raha is so excited to have his friend here this is cute. “Perhaps I can show you around?” Dude you already sent me on a tour of a city. And he sounds so happy about it. The WoL hasn’t even mentioned yet that they nearly got murdered because of him...

Aw hell yeah Feo Ul. I remember I really didn’t like her at first but... she’s so funny and nice I wuv her. OH! And here’s Ardbert! Love that guy.

My goodness G’raha has a nasty habit of obscuring information. Why don’t you wanna tell me about Thancred’s companion, huh, G’raha? Oh you’re supposed to be this scholarly master of the tower and don’t even know that name I gave you, your name? What makes getting to Urianger and Y’shtola so difficult?

While in the Thanalan equivalent, “Would that everyone was so willing to take in refugees regardless of race or creed.” That is so cheeky and uncalled for lmao. This town is hilarious. My guy just tried to eat 15 whole jars of glazed worms on his own... i had him chicken out of it just to see the dialogue but know that Secret ate all of her chosen meal--the spiced lizard meat--all on her lonesome.

Just decided I’m going to level SMN to 70. I want all the roles.

I am now eradicating Doran’s freckles. They served him well with his previous hair and general vibe but there was just too much going on in the center of his face with the scar on top of it. His previous hair framed his face a lot closer, but with this hair all of that made the negative space on his forehead that much more prominent. I’ll excuse it as him... I don’t know, growing out of it? Maybe visiting the First did something to him idk.

He looks like a shitty goth dude now this is hilarious. With the face paint freed up I can give him faint black eye shadow that make his eyes look even more sullen/strange. this is great. He’s pasty as hell, has long dark purple hair, the scar across his face... exclusively now wears dark blues and purples... this is so fucking funny Doran depression era is real. Grappling with his own existence has been so hard on him that it popped the freckles right off of his face. I will not lie though. This is an improvement. His previous outfits and hair were supposed to be more fun and a bit silly bit we are now in Serious territory. He watched his friends pretty much die. Almost got killed himself. All that previous trauma. Is going to make a very dear friend/enemy and defeat him. Almost die himself again AND kill literally everyone else at the same time because he isn’t strong enough. And of course once he finally remembers who he and Secret and Ardbert are, things are gonna go to shit.

At least he still looks permanently bemused, at least to me. One my fc gets a house and we all finally meet up I’ll have to ask their opinion about Doran. He looks perfectly off-putting and oddly pretty to me.

Hm... I’ve been wondering how I would describe Doran. His personality, I mean. He was originally conceived to be in general the cocky promiscuous bard sort, hence his starting class

oh man when did i write that. i was gonna explain my Thoughts. but it has been hours and i’m sleepy it’s daylight out/ this is enough for now.

[kiro-rar]

I find it amazing how a single person can change your world drastically your perspectives and even in yourself. Doing things you have never done before. And actually enjoying it. I was never into love songs because i dont feel it, love stories because it is too cringey for me, I don't look at couple goals couz i think they're fake or something.

Then i found my self listening into love song hahaha, actually searching for a song that fits our story. Then in the latter part I'll try to learn the song so i can sing it for you, then your reactions. You made me feel like I won the lottery or I'm the first man on the moon or I won in a biggest contest. Your reaction makes me so happy. That's why I want to do it more often.

Mostly when it comes to movies I like the actions, fantasy or sci fi. Then I started liking the love story and even cry when they broke up hahaha I like the feeling when some part of the movie is something that you actually do with me hahaha specially the jealous part but you dont want to admit it. Every scene makes me miss you more and reminds me of us, our bondings, how you make me feel loved, how you appreciate me in everything I do, your efforts.

Thank you for coming into my life luvie, you have no idea how happy I am to be love by you.

Thank you for accepting all of the things about me to be honest I still can't believe that i have you, like I'm still asking myself do i really deserve you. I have a messed up family, I'm the black sheep, I'm not good at everything, most of the time i fucked up, I hove nothing. Why me? I cant remember any good thing that i have done good. Then theres you, kind, loving, thoughtful, honest, true friend, strong, beautiful, smart, selfless, god loving, pure hearted. Gashhh luvieee you're perfect.

How you make me feel safe. You have given me more than enough assurance. Now i fear nothing. I was able to love you this way, i was able to give my all again, and to trust fully again and thats is all because of you. You make me miss you every single day. My love grows for you every minute. Gunayuma mo ba ako? Hahahaha kasi hindi ko mapaliwanag how, why, when and how much I love you ng ganito kabilis.

How? All i have to do dati is to protect you tapos eto na boyfriend mo haha

Why? I don't know the reason why dati i just found out that I like you

When? Di ko alammmm hahaha tbh nagulat lang ako i was into you na.

How much i love you? Ohhhhhhh only god knows how much I love you ;)

So basically ginayuma mo ako haha nilagay mo ba sa shot ko? Haha penge lagyan ko din sayo hahaha

And all of the moments we had gashh priceless. List ko paba ? Baka mainlove ka sa sarili mo haha na bahala ka mahaba to sooooooooooo yu g iba or mostly alam mo na ehh haha basta

Things that i love, i appreciate, i like about you lubieeedubdub

When you call me luv, good morning & good nights, when you says i love you or i miss you first, when you're praning when I go out, when you get jealous when hearing a girls name, when you hold my hand tightly, when you says how much you love me,when you flex me, whe you touch my face, how you make me feel like i matter, how you make me feel wanted,that I am important, the way you defended and protecting me,for praying for me, when i do things for you, when you tell me your cravings, the way you laugh, the way you make me laugh, little staring contest the sudden outburst, when you want massage (mapilit haha), whe you want me to touch you face, you bites, the way you kiss, the tone difference, body language, sudden hug or unannounced kiss, when meeting you suddenly you throw your whole body at me, when you kiss me when i was asleep, the way you say i love you, secretly holding my hand.

I can still go on but baka di mo basahin tamad ka ehh hahaha i love youu

But to be honest you've made me a better person, For the first time in my life someone makes me open up to world once again, teaching me that there are more possibilities, thank you for opening my heart, You've made me realize that I'm doing something wrong, that there should be a door on the walls i built to protect my heart, because i was also blocking out the persons who actually cares for me. Thank you for introducing me you ely. I really don't know much about them but i like the way they care for you, and in make me feel at ease even if im not with you because in my heart i know that they will keep yo safe at all times.

I love you with all my heart

Pero right now I keep on thinking

How can make you smile?

How can i make you laugh?

How can i make you happy?

How can i keep someone like you?

That you're stronger than I think you are

But inside ?

You're fragile

You're delicate

That's why i want to protect you more

I just want you to know that i love you so much and i will never let you go. When you feel like the world is against you im always here for you.And will never leave your side

That I can be whatever you want me to be

I can be your friend if you want to open up

I can me you walking twitter if you want to rant something

I can be you boyfriend if you need love and affection

I can be your husband that will take and hold your hands

Until my last breath

Remembering how we started, all the chances we had, all of the sayang, all of the sana, all of the muntikan

We still ended up together

I love you soooo much

In this world full of negativity I can be your positive one

Ps not sure kung kelan mo mababasa to hahaha.

[mybodyliberation]

I Woke Up Like This (29)

Yesssssss, your girl is 29 years old! Way ohhhhhhh. Confetti cannons are exploding in my mind guys, I cannot believe it I have made it this far in life, what a feat.

It's been over a month since Bae and I had our birthdays and we are officially in the last year of our 20s and 30s respectively, before we hit big milestone birthdays.

So much has happened in this short space of time and honestly I feel like I am rapidly becoming a level of adult that you never think about when you're a kid and dreaming of the days you'll eat cake for breakfast.

I mean don’t get me wrong I am absolutely also internally panicking because this is the last year of my 20s and oh my goodness when I make mistakes I will not have the excuse of my 20s to blame it on. This alone is the singular most terrifying thought.

I’m picturing the meme of that cartoon dog sat in a room full of fire while drinking a cup of tea. The fire is the existential crisis and his calm demeanour is basically all of us trying to make it through the day without having a nervous breakdown.

Cue *Hello Darkness, my old friend*.

No seriously and honestly, I am actually really excited to be another year older. I’ve said this a lot in the last couple of months and maybe it’s because it’s something I am really and truly recognising for the first time in my life, but I am blessed to be here.

Some of us didn’t make it, and that hurts my heart. I don’t know why, but I know I’m here and I know the best way to honour those who are no longer with us, is to live well and fully.

Both Bae and I have both lost family and learning to carry on in the midst of grief is something that is a constant oscillating journey, especially since we are also still planning our wedding.

Making sure we dont feel guilt for that is important to us because we are so excited to start this new chapter of our lives.

This time last year I actually had a pretty great birthday. I had just come back from Disney, I felt calm cool and collected. I was feeling grown and pretty much ready to take on the world. Then the last thing I thought would happen, happened. I was not cool or calm or collected and actually 90% of the time I felt incredibly overwhelmed.

Yep, tour life will do that for you.

I found myself annoyed and ashamed. I was so ready to be on top of everything and feeling good and dispelling bad energy and closer to God and super holy and wholesome and here I was honestly feeling the complete opposite. I had failed. I was a failure. Thus began the conversational negative tone that tended to flit in and out of my days for the rest of my birthday year.

It just wasn’t right. It wasn’t what I wanted. So I took the steps I needed to do to address it.

Now with the wisdom and experience of another blessed year and reaching out to improve my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health, I find myself in a very different place.

I find myself in a place in which I have no expectations AT ALL.

I’ve got this terrible habit of raising the bar higher and higher for myself, but the problem is I tend to be too short to reach. I get a crick in my neck looking up for the bar I think I should be reaching for in order to do several pull ups, instead of looking a bit closer to home and practising my technique before I even attempt a pull up at all.

Now today, at 29, I don’t expect anything not because I do not want for anything but because it’s but because doing my best is more important than trying to be a perfect idea of myself.

Being me right now, good and bad and embracing where I am at and the growth of my journey is better than trying to pretend that I am perfected right now.

I am imperfectly perfect. Working on myself. Growing. Prayerfully getting older and I am grateful for the whole experience.

So this is 29 guys.

A fine wine because it has a bunch of different flavours, accents and it will only get better over time.

[mybodyliberation]

I Woke Up Like This | The Last Year Of My 20s

Yesssssss, your girl is 29 years old! Way ohhhhhhh. Confetti cannons are exploding in my mind guys, I cannot believe it I have made it this far in life, what a feat. I mean don’t get me wrong I am absolutely also internally panicking because this is the last year of my 20s and oh my goodness when I make mistakes I will not have the excuse of my 20s to blame it on. This alone is the singular most terrifying thought.

I’m picturing the meme of that cartoon dog sat in a room full of fire while drinking a cup of tea. The fire is the existential crisis and his calm demeanour is basically all of us trying to make it through the day without having a nervous breakdown.

*Cue Hello Darkness, my old friend*.

No seriously and honestly, I am actually really excited to be another year older. I’ve said this a lot in the last couple of months and maybe it’s because it’s something I am really and truly recognising for the first time in my life, but I am blessed to be here. Some of us didn’t make it, and that hurts my heart. I don’t know why, but I know I’m here and I know the best way to honour those who are no longer with us, is to live well and fully.

This time last year I actually had a pretty great birthday. I had just come back from Disney, I felt calm cool and collected. I was feeling grown and pretty much ready to take on the world. Then the last thing I am happened, happened. I was not cool or calm or collected and actually 90% of the time I felt incredibly overwhelmed.

Yep, tour life will do that for you.

I found myself annoyed and ashamed. I was so ready to be on top of everything and feeling good and dispelling bad energy and closer to God and super holy and wholesome and here I was honestly feeling the complete opposite. I had failed. I was a failure. Thus began the conversational negative tone that tended to flit in and out of my days for the rest of my birthday year.

It just wasn’t right. It wasn’t what I wanted. So I took the steps I needed to do to address it.

Now with the wisdom and experience of another blessed year and reaching out to improve my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health, I find myself in a very different place.

I find myself in a place in which I have no expectations AT ALL.

I’ve got this terrible habit of raising the bar higher and higher for myself, but the problem is I tend to be too short to reach. I get a crick in my neck looking up for the bar I think I should be reaching for in order to do several pull ups, instead of looking a bit closer to home and practising my technique before I even attempt a pull up at all.

Now today, at 29, I don’t expect anything not because I do not want for anything but because it’s but because doing my best is important than trying to be a perfect idea of myself.

Being me right now, good and bad and embracing where I am at and the growth of my journey is better than trying to pretend that I am perfected right now.

I am imperfectly perfect. Working on myself. Growing. Prayerfully getting older and I am grateful for the whole experience.

So this is 29 guys.

A fine wine because it has a bunch of different flavours, accents and it will only get better over time.